A friend has raised the topic about whether to base a relationship on attraction or compatiblity. Here is what I wrote:
Many have a misconceived view of Christians as being those who have to lose their freedom and they have to adopt a whole new set of rules. When it comes to talking about relationship, I guess after the most criticised "rule" of not being able to engage pre-marital sex, would probably be the "rule" of only marrying a Christian.
Whether it is a "rule" or not really depend on how your perceive things. Let me explain by way of an analogy that was used by a pastor in sermons once. All machinery and technical gadgets come with an operation manual. There are some people who are impatient and who think they know what they are doing and start using the machine without going through the details in the operation manual. There are the careful ones who would sit down, and see what the manual has to say. You may be in the first group and be lucky and manage to find a way of operating it the way you like. It may work but it may not be the correct way of operation and in the end, the machine breaks.
Humans, are like the machines in the above situation. We often neglect our operation manual (ie Bible). Our creator, God, has left us The operation manual so that we may not stuff ourselves up. You may see them as a set of rules, but it should be seen as a set of recommended ways to lead our lives.
So after half a day, which one am I opting for: Attraction or Compatibility? Neither. Why? Because both don't really last. After a while, you will get used to a person's appearance, so while it may be something worth considering in the short term, it is definitely not the key to a long term relationship. Neither is compatibility. Well it depends on how you define compatibility. If we define it so that it includes things like having similar interests and topics to talk about, I doubt that would last, because through time, interests change, and you run out of topics to talk about. Like my passion for cheesecake died recently (don't know whether it's because of me studying exams are what), that clearly shows that if relationships were based on "cheesecake-compatibility", my relationship would have been flushed down the toilet with that last bit of cheesecake!
So what should relationships depend on? While 1 Corinthians 13 is a good starting point in showing us how to love in a Christian manner, I personally feel Psalm 118:8 is better: "It is better to trust in the Lord than to depend on man". From this, I mean that instead of placing our relationship on the earthly foundations of attraction and compatibility, we should place our relationships on the foundation of the Lord.
The world is full of uncertainties. There is no way where we could depend on ourselves to trust each other. Relationships would only work well if there is a 3-way bond between male, female and God so that it is not each other that we trust in, it is God whom we trust in Who will make the relationship work. That is the reason why Christians should have relationships with Christians, in order for them to set a 3-way foundation to make the relationship grow.
It's not a rule, it's just there for our own good.
